Dear Bum,
It hurts you know..hurts so bad. 1 year, 5 months may have been just another relationship for you, but i gave it my all. EVERYTHING. I try hard not to think about it, not to worry, not to care, but i ant to know everything, want to hear everything. Every time somebody mentions your name my head turns and ears perk up. Its YOU that i want. Nobody else. Yes, i know i can do better than you, waaaaaaaaaaaay better, but i want you, nothing else, nobody else.
Ive always told you, i would give anything to have you, and i still would. Its been more than a week and i still miss you like crazy. I see you everyday, talking to all those girls, laughing and all that. I miss you! Its just not acceptable you know, everything that you do..like nothing ever happened. Please teach me how you do that! I haven’t cried or cribbed, i just try not to think of it but i just cant stop. Help me, will you? I cant call you names or say bad things, im not that person. ive never been that, i just stuff myself with so much smoke and so many pills that i can at least try not thinking of you. Every time i get to rolling that joint, it reminds me how you taught me to make one. Every time i go score stash, it reminds me how we went to places hunting for stash. Every time i hit the bong, it reminds me of my first time with you. I cant look at things without thinking of you. My HD- you made me buy it. My fave book- you gifted it. song, sitcoms, places, names, food, alcohol, weed, every fucking thing makes me think of you!
And you know, every time i see you i have to control so hard not to cry! i cant wait for college to get over so that i wont be seeing you anymore. A part of me is free and light but you cant call it happy. I miss you too much to give up everything and forget all that happened. The sex was amazing! the JRs! man! I love you. I dont know if i will ever get over you or if i will ever let go of you..i just want you to be happy. A part of me is angry too, for all the things you said to me, all the accusations, all the blaming, all things that you called me, that does make it easier but letting go, forgetting..all that is just impossible..at least for now. I think its gonna last till college ends..or maybe more..i dont know.
I miss you. I want you back.
Love you always,
Bab.
No, not the movie, these are my 10 commandments!
10. Never expect anything from anybody.
9. Nobody owns you, don’t let them tell you what to do. (watch)
8. You will never be somebody’s priority. (exception: your dog)
7. You dont have to prove anything to anybody.
6. Don’t let anybody leave you in a mess.
5. Pretend! they need it.
4. Never tell anybody what’s on your mind. NEVER. NOBODY.
3. Nobody is worth crying over.
2. Books, music, art are the only things you LOVE. and your dog. and movies.
1. Whatever you do, do it for yourself and NEVER regret it.
Goodbye, First Love.
Can’t wait for it to release.
